Xavier: Life. You could say it started when I was a kid. Like most folks, Ive always been different. But not like the others. Other kids could be cruel, theyd call me names: dweeb, chimp, honky, dweeby-chimp, honky-dweeb, and worst of all: chomsky-honk. Did you know theres over eighty-seven combinations of those soul-scalding words? I found out the hard way. Life! Adolescence was better: went to the prom with a model, but she left with some jock. Dyke! .
The Everchild: Dont you see? The missing child you each seek to reconnect with is still inside you all. But you buried it. You, Paul, when you were six and you killed that spider monkey with that claw hammer, you really just squashed your heart with that hammer, and thats why you became a dirty pig cop. .
Preacher: It is my sad duty to announce that our sign language translator has donated her hands to the Needy Gropers Society. In her place we have Popo, a very special gorilla from the research center who has been studying sign language under the tutelage of my wife June for three years. .
June: Whats that, Popo? interpreting Popos sign language Shes saying that this time of great loss illuminates the bonds we share as a community, and for that we must give praise to the Lord. Now shes being very eloquent, saying some very touching things. Shes being moving. Still being moving .
Disk Jockey: Were back! WCRST, Succotash and the Bird in the morning. The Christian zoo radio hooty-hoo featuring Succotash and the Bird in the morning. Accept the Savior, get into the glorious kingdom of Heaven. Succotash, succotash, call us up, win some cash! We got Christ, we got faith, we got traffic on the 1s, weather on the what, we got Popo the preaching gorilla in the studio, how you doing today, Popo? Kind of making a splash in the preaching scene. Make a splash, make a splash, succotash, call us up, win some cash! Well its 5:55. Lets check in on the 5 Ws. We got who, what, when, where, why hows the weather this morning? .
DJ: No time! Succotash, succotash, win some cash! Accept Christ into your heart, look down on us from the glorious kingdom of Heaven. Now, Popo, I understand youre starting your own 700 Club. Sevens a prime number, youre in the prime of your life, life could change, win a chunk of change, succotash, succotash, call us up, win some cash! Got a caller on line 7, are you there? .
DJ: Oh! So closewas the phrase that pays, and we give praise, bow your heads. Well, thanks for coming in, Popo! Coming up, we got traffic on the 1s. Its traffic every one second! Theres traffic, theres traffic, no traffic, sigalert remix. .
Xavier: This happy place holds magic meaning, for twas my mothers nickname. Truckers, delivery guys, men coming in and out of the house all day called her the Grand Canyon, but I never knew why. Its just a great wide gash, spread open for the enjoyment of all to come inside as he pleases and pleasures. Often theres a donkey in there. Sees a man and woman on the road grieving Hee-huh?! .
Television Commercial: Recent science has discovered that, for thousands of years, Tibetan monks used gutteral prayer chants to sooth their yellow souls in the yellow face of their yellow oppressors. But in our sophisticated world, who has time for that noise? Youve got enough on your plate. Let Fiddelin do the spiritual legwork for you. At transcendental medication, we sonically condense the biodharmic vibrations of over 1,000 monk chants into every pill. Scienspiritific audiologists have found that vibration from a monks throat doesnt radiate in megahertz but in megahearts. .
Television Commercial: If not now, when? If not it, what? If not things, stuff? Side effects include wetmouth, plaid blood, frozen day rate, herniated monsterism, taint misbehaving, urethral screamage, global colostomy face, wrongbody, restless lung syndrom and sexual diarrhea. Do not wake the sleeping yellow dragon. Who says you cant find purity in a pill? Tune in to Fiddelin with your soul. .
Xavier: Oh, break them down with the silent treatment, eh? So devilish, its clevelish. I can hear it working on you already. Yells progressively louder into the Monks ears You hear that silence?! Can you take it?! The crushing blow of that fiery silence as it explodes in your ear with silence! Vroom! Rrrr! Vroom! Pretends to ride a bike around .
DJ: Oh! So closewas the phrase that pays, and we give praise, bow your heads. Well, thanks for coming in, Popo! Coming up, we got traffic on the 1s. Its traffic every one second! Theres traffic, theres traffic, no traffic, theres traffic, sigalert remix. .
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