Xavier: Renegade Angel

Xavier: Life. You could say it started when I was a kid. Like most folks, Ive always been different. But not like the others. Other kids could be cruel, theyd call me names: dweeb, chimp, honky, dweeby-chimp, honky-dweeb, and worst of all: chomsky-honk. Did you know theres over eighty-seven combinations of those soul-scalding words? I found out the hard way. Life! Adolescence was better: went to the prom with a model, but she left with some jock. Dyke!

— Xavier: Renegade Angel life

Xavier: scoffs Powers are for the weak. I have no powers. I mean, unless you count the power to blow minds with my weapons-grade philosophical insights.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel power

Xavier: If the computer virus is infecting people, then I need a human virus to infect aside the computer.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel people

Xavier breaks through the window of the bathroom, runs to the U.S. Army base, and breaks the window there.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel win

Xavier: I believe that we are all one. By helping this tiny mosquito, in a way, Im helping your mother.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel believe

Gang Leader: Nobody has ever survived our initiation, come give it a try. Heres my card. Its got embossed gold 12-point Courier font on bone white semigloss stock.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel loss

Robby: If my dad found out I was using science to help him with his Christian Science, hed be crushed.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel science

Xavier: Youre not better than me, okay?! Just because youve created life doesnt make you some kind of god. Theres more to life than life!

— Xavier: Renegade Angel life

Robbys Father: Well, I tell you: Id swim through a lake full of water for these cakes. Thats the only thing that would put out the raging fire in my belly for these cakes.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel aging

Police Officer: Someone stole our bloodhounds, but we got the backup bloodhounds to chase the first tier of bloodhounds.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel blood

The Everchild: Dont you see? The missing child you each seek to reconnect with is still inside you all. But you buried it. You, Paul, when you were six and you killed that spider monkey with that claw hammer, you really just squashed your heart with that hammer, and thats why you became a dirty pig cop.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel art

Xavier: Unload your troubles unto me, even if its tough to swallow. Im used to swallowing huge loads.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel you

Diner Employee: We dont cotton to strange Chinaman with no sense of self who stand secretly by for indeterminate amounts of time. Gonna put you in a world of hurt.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel time

Television Reporter: Im here to announce that we have discovered the oldest cave drawing known to man.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel man

Xavier: Im going to have to go back in time and find who did this painting, and what it means. But how?

— Xavier: Renegade Angel time

Caveman: Ooga-booga. How long you stand there, freak? You some kind of ooga-booga Chinaman? Me put you in world of hurt.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel world

Television Commercial: Whoopsie doodle, there was a mix-up at the cookie factory! We made the cookies way too big and the chocolate chips blue!

— Xavier: Renegade Angel vision

Television Commercial: Clumso the cookie chef really popped a boner into these yummy snacks! Blue chocolate Whoopsie Doodles, available for a limited time only!

— Xavier: Renegade Angel time

Television Commercial: Uh-oh, now there was a factory mix-up! We accidentally mixed up the cookie factory with the tampon factory!

— Xavier: Renegade Angel vision

Security Guard: Sir, this is private property. The company has a policy of not cottoning to freaks around these parts.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel art

Xavier: Whats that, Mother Earth? You say this factory is poisoning you? And you need my help? Whats that? You want me to repeat everything you say?

— Xavier: Renegade Angel art

Xavier: So you admit it is your fault. You kill off the cornfields, I stay back and protect the womenfolk. Oh!

— Xavier: Renegade Angel women

Preacher: It is my sad duty to announce that our sign language translator has donated her hands to the Needy Gropers Society. In her place we have Popo, a very special gorilla from the research center who has been studying sign language under the tutelage of my wife June for three years.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel society

June: Im too overcome to speak about my husbands mysterious death, but Popo has asked to say a few words.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel death

June: Whats that, Popo? interpreting Popos sign language Shes saying that this time of great loss illuminates the bonds we share as a community, and for that we must give praise to the Lord. Now shes being very eloquent, saying some very touching things. Shes being moving. Still being moving

— Xavier: Renegade Angel time

June: interpreting Popos sign language Popos urging you to dismiss the power of your rational mind. Shes using fear of death, playing on your insecurities, theres a rock-solid elegance to the arguments.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel death

Disk Jockey: Were back! WCRST, Succotash and the Bird in the morning. The Christian zoo radio hooty-hoo featuring Succotash and the Bird in the morning. Accept the Savior, get into the glorious kingdom of Heaven. Succotash, succotash, call us up, win some cash! We got Christ, we got faith, we got traffic on the 1s, weather on the what, we got Popo the preaching gorilla in the studio, how you doing today, Popo? Kind of making a splash in the preaching scene. Make a splash, make a splash, succotash, call us up, win some cash! Well its 5:55. Lets check in on the 5 Ws. We got who, what, when, where, why hows the weather this morning?

— Xavier: Renegade Angel faith

DJ: No time! Succotash, succotash, win some cash! Accept Christ into your heart, look down on us from the glorious kingdom of Heaven. Now, Popo, I understand youre starting your own 700 Club. Sevens a prime number, youre in the prime of your life, life could change, win a chunk of change, succotash, succotash, call us up, win some cash! Got a caller on line 7, are you there?

— Xavier: Renegade Angel life

DJ: Oh! So closewas the phrase that pays, and we give praise, bow your heads. Well, thanks for coming in, Popo! Coming up, we got traffic on the 1s. Its traffic every one second! Theres traffic, theres traffic, no traffic, sigalert remix.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel you

Xavier: What kind of stupid name is Yoohoo? Well, when I find that demon, I shall slay him -- to death!

— Xavier: Renegade Angel death

Xaviers Father: No, no, no, no. No, not Yoohoo. It was you, damn it! You, Xavier! You killed your own father!

— Xavier: Renegade Angel you

Xavier: The pride I feel for finally fingering my fathers killer is dampened only by the fact that I promised to kill my fathers killer. I fingered myself. To death.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel death

First Xavier: No. They wouldnt give it to me, because when I was filling out the application, my penis was sticking out.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel cat

Xavier: This happy place holds magic meaning, for twas my mothers nickname. Truckers, delivery guys, men coming in and out of the house all day called her the Grand Canyon, but I never knew why. Its just a great wide gash, spread open for the enjoyment of all to come inside as he pleases and pleasures. Often theres a donkey in there. Sees a man and woman on the road grieving Hee-huh?!

— Xavier: Renegade Angel joy

Xavier: A dead child is like pudding. The proof is in the fact that he probably looked like pudding when he got hit by that car. And I think its time you be pudding his chocolate memory to rest.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel time

Xavier: Pills are just a psychotropic band-aid on a biochemical crutch. I took a pill once, and I woke up with a booty hole the size of a wine bottle, fat end first. But did I whine? No, I turned to the bottle.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel win

Xavier: By the end of the day, you will have forgotten all about your dead turtle -- I mean son. gasps See?

— Xavier: Renegade Angel you

Television Commercial: Recent science has discovered that, for thousands of years, Tibetan monks used gutteral prayer chants to sooth their yellow souls in the yellow face of their yellow oppressors. But in our sophisticated world, who has time for that noise? Youve got enough on your plate. Let Fiddelin do the spiritual legwork for you. At transcendental medication, we sonically condense the biodharmic vibrations of over 1,000 monk chants into every pill. Scienspiritific audiologists have found that vibration from a monks throat doesnt radiate in megahertz but in megahearts.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel science

Television Commercial: If not now, when? If not it, what? If not things, stuff? Side effects include wetmouth, plaid blood, frozen day rate, herniated monsterism, taint misbehaving, urethral screamage, global colostomy face, wrongbody, restless lung syndrom and sexual diarrhea. Do not wake the sleeping yellow dragon. Who says you cant find purity in a pill? Tune in to Fiddelin with your soul.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel sex

Xavier: Where I come from, sharing love without making a profit is called being a whore. And the working conditions here are whorifying.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel love

Xavier: Now we march. Marches on a table. No justice, no chants! No justice, no chant-- why arent you chanting?!

— Xavier: Renegade Angel justice

Xavier: Oh, break them down with the silent treatment, eh? So devilish, its clevelish. I can hear it working on you already. Yells progressively louder into the Monks ears You hear that silence?! Can you take it?! The crushing blow of that fiery silence as it explodes in your ear with silence! Vroom! Rrrr! Vroom! Pretends to ride a bike around

— Xavier: Renegade Angel work

Xavier: Youve woken the yellow dragon! Ive got to act now! This is the 9/11 of noise, the Chernobyl of chanting, the Hiroshima of humping, the Nagasaki of nookie, the Dachau of Auschwitzes!

— Xavier: Renegade Angel you

Xavier goes through the door and is turned into a little girl holding a doll in a pink room with her mother

— Xavier: Renegade Angel mother

Xavier: I dont want to play with dollies, mommy. I want to travel the world, and help those who need it.

— Xavier: Renegade Angel world

Xavier appears in the middle of the desert playing the shakashuri, and sees a man sitting on the floor crying

— Xavier: Renegade Angel man

God: Intruder alert! There has been a breach in the system! Heaven will self destruct in 10 seconds if the intruder does not reveal themselves: 10 9

— Xavier: Renegade Angel god

God: You have sacrificed yourself for the good of the hole. You are now the new messiah. What will be your first act as messiah!

— Xavier: Renegade Angel god

— Xavier: Renegade Angel you

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