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Adam Carolla

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

— Adam Carolla life

My first car was a motorcycle.

— Adam Carolla

If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

— Adam Carolla vision

I think we're getting to the point where everyone's getting fat and everyone's getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can't walk from their front door to their car without a bottle of water in their hand because they have to hydrate every three and half steps.

— Adam Carolla people

I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.

— Adam Carolla good

If the media isn't slanted toward the Left, why is everyone so worried about my affiliation with Glenn Beck but not with Alec Baldwin?

— Adam Carolla war

I'm not comically oriented. I get angry and I start complaining and then people start laughing. I don't even want them to laugh half the time.

— Adam Carolla time

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

— Adam Carolla men

Rich people don't pay taxes? Of course they pay taxes - they pay tons in taxes. They pay for everyone else who doesn't pay taxes.

— Adam Carolla people

The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

— Adam Carolla experience

Whoever is for higher taxes, feel free to pay higher taxes.

— Adam Carolla free

You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

— Adam Carolla society

I'm not sexist, I'm just a realist.

— Adam Carolla sex

I mean, we sit around and we go, you know, 'Torture doesn't work.' Well, it's been around for 5,000 years. Most stuff that doesn't work goes the way of the dodo pretty quick, like waterbeds and 8-tracks and things like that.

— Adam Carolla work

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'

— Adam Carolla humor

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

— Adam Carolla chance

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn't imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I'm gone for six days it feels like too much.

— Adam Carolla life

I am not a good cue card reader.

— Adam Carolla good

I get depressed at airports.

— Adam Carolla

I think people have a strong desire to push me and others into some sort of political box that they can wrap their minds around.

— Adam Carolla people

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.

— Adam Carolla women

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

— Adam Carolla funny

Maybe I'm delusional but I'm usually funny. It's not 100% but I have a pretty good batting average.

— Adam Carolla funny

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

— Adam Carolla women

Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

— Adam Carolla you

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and youll have a good life.

— Adam Carolla life

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