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Gilbert Gottfried (Actor)

I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is the Eiffel Tower. In Egypt, the pyramids are right there. In the movies, every hotel has a monument right outside your window. My hotel rooms overlook the garbage dumpster in the back alley.

— Gilbert Gottfried men

I have always felt comedy and tragedy are roommates. If you look up comedy and tragedy, you will find a very old picture of two masks. One mask is tragedy. It looks like it's crying. The other mask is comedy. It looks like it's laughing. Nowadays, we would say, 'How tasteless and insensitive. A comedy mask is laughing at a tragedy mask.'

— Gilbert Gottfried comedy

With me, traveling for work is arriving at the airport, checking into the hotel, leaving the hotel the next morning at 4 or 5 to do something like 'The Jimmy and Jackie Captain Crazy Morning Zoo,' doing a bunch of those in a row, then going back to the hotel, and then finally going to the club.

— Gilbert Gottfried work

No, generally I think influence is used as a nice word for plagiarism.

— Gilbert Gottfried think

A landlord is showing a couple around an apartment. The husband looks up and says, 'Wait a minute. This apartment doesn't have a ceiling.' The landlord answers, 'That's OK. The people upstairs don't walk around that much.'

— Gilbert Gottfried art

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

— Gilbert Gottfried relationship

I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.

— Gilbert Gottfried will

If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.

— Gilbert Gottfried food

There are certain things I don't want to joke about. If it's about somebody else, it's fine. If it's about me, I think it's totally insensitive!

— Gilbert Gottfried body

You never know what people will choose to be offended by.

— Gilbert Gottfried people

I was Jewish, through and through, although in our house that didn't mean a whole lot. We never went to synagogue. I never had a Bar Mitzvah. We didn't keep kosher or observe the Sabbath. In fact, I'm not so sure I would have known what the Sabbath looked like if it passed me on the street, so how could I observe it?

— Gilbert Gottfried wish

With the Internet, if you erase something it just means you have to spend another half-minute to find it.

— Gilbert Gottfried you

I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept.

— Gilbert Gottfried man

I'm a very anti-vacation person. Because I'm always getting on planes for work, to me, a vacation is when I don't have to get on a plane.

— Gilbert Gottfried work

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

— Gilbert Gottfried funny

I'm known for my slightly inappropriate remarks.

— Gilbert Gottfried light

Reality TV has totally destroyed soap operas. They're gone. They used to be the biggest thing in the world - they're gone.

— Gilbert Gottfried world

Any misfortune that happens to another person is funny. If it happens to someone else and not me, it's very funny.

— Gilbert Gottfried funny

I always try to avoid anything that has to do with my life.

— Gilbert Gottfried life

I changed the face of comedy. I used to be funny.

— Gilbert Gottfried funny

I understand being less sexy than Osama bin Laden, but not less sexy than Carrot Top. That, I find offensive.

— Gilbert Gottfried sex

I wanted to be a brain surgeon, but I had a bad habit of dropping things.

— Gilbert Gottfried rain

Off-camera, I sound like Perry Como.

— Gilbert Gottfried

I remember being at the premiere of 'Beverly Hills Cop II' and the tremendous reaction from the crowd outside, then going to a party at a hotel afterwards where the speakers were blasting 'Shakedown,' a song from the movie. That felt like a show biz moment to me.

— Gilbert Gottfried war

I guess if they ever do a remake of 'Sophie's Choice,' I could play the Meryl Streep part. I've got to work on my Polish accent. Maybe I'll be the definitive King Lear one day. You know, if they ever feel that King Lear should be more Jewy.

— Gilbert Gottfried art

I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if youre in Paris, right outside your window is the Eiffel Tower. In Egypt, the pyramids are right there. In the movies, every hotel has a monument right outside your window. My hotel rooms overlook the garbage dumpster in the back alley.

— Gilbert Gottfried men

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