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Jimmy Carr

Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, but in a properly big and important way. My perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.
— Jimmy Carr art
I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.
— Jimmy Carr life
I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.
— Jimmy Carr love
The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.
— Jimmy Carr age
The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet.
— Jimmy Carr you
As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.
— Jimmy Carr success
I like to write a joke without any fat on it. The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.
— Jimmy Carr people
I don't see myself as offending people.
— Jimmy Carr people
I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh.
— Jimmy Carr real
I was a Christian. I didn't want to have sex before marriage, I was a bit uptight and not very self-confident. I was a virgin until I was 26.
— Jimmy Carr marriage
It is such a social thing, laughing. Two thousand people in a room laughing is such a great buzz and they tend to laugh much more in a group.
— Jimmy Carr people
They say the people most affected by the credit crunch are pensioners - well, let go of the handbag then, Nanna.
— Jimmy Carr people
Women were quite terrifying until I was older. I think that's partly down to confidence.
— Jimmy Carr art
You never want to be the grumpy guy, although I do have quite a grumpy face.
— Jimmy Carr want
After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.
— Jimmy Carr wisdom
I was in the South of France. I saw a Brownie on a school trip. She was holding up a book. It said on the front 'rough guide'. I thought: 'Yeah' she's not a looker.
— Jimmy Carr book
It's so clear cut with a comedian - you have that reflex action, whereby you laugh or you don't. And so you either love us or you simply cannot see why people are laughing.
— Jimmy Carr love
You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.
— Jimmy Carr world
Staying in luxury hotels still gives me a kick, especially Oulton Hall in Yorkshire. I'd stay in a hotel for the breakfast and room service.
— Jimmy Carr service
A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
— Jimmy Carr sin
I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.
— Jimmy Carr funny
I'm obsessed with TV. How wrong our parents were when they said we should only watch an hour a day. Stop wasting your time reading books.
— Jimmy Carr books
More people are going out to comedy shows than they were before.
— Jimmy Carr people
The bigger the audience, the better with comedy.
— Jimmy Carr comedy
I think the idea that death is not the end, that your dog's just gone to live on the farm, is limiting. Thoughts like that prevent you from making the most of the time that you have.
— Jimmy Carr death
Like most of the worlds population Im into coffee, but in a properly big and important way. My perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.
— Jimmy Carr art

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