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Jon Stewart (Presenter)

If you watch the news and dont like it, then this is your counter program to the news.

— Jon Stewart you

I’m not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance.

— Jon Stewart self

You cant censor yourself for someone elses ignorance.

— Jon Stewart self

If youre going to give people 20 minutes of news satire, youve also got to give them Tiffani-Amber Thiessen or youre going to have rioting in the streets.

— Jon Stewart people

December 25 is National Jews Go to the Movies Day.

— jon stewart day

Religion. Its given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

— jon stewart hope

The KKK adopted a highway. The joke is on them: It’s black.

— jon stewart

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

— jon stewart religion

You just have to keep trying to do good work, and hope that it leads to more good work. I want to look back on my career and be proud of the work, and be proud that I tried everything. Yes, I want to look back and know that I was terrible at a variety of things.

— Jon Stewart hope

To the people who are upset about their hard-earned tax money going to things they don’t like: welcome to the f*cking club. Reimburse me for the Iraq war and oil subsidies, and diaphragms are on me!

— Jon Stewart war

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