Rodney Dangerfield

#115352 Rodney Dangerfield

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about people
#115353 Rodney Dangerfield

Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about time
#115354 Rodney Dangerfield

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about you
#115355 Rodney Dangerfield

A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about home
#115356 Rodney Dangerfield

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about want
#115357 Rodney Dangerfield

My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about jealousy
#115358 Rodney Dangerfield

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about family
#115359 Rodney Dangerfield

I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about drinking
#115360 Rodney Dangerfield

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about truth
#115361 Rodney Dangerfield

This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about morning
#115362 Rodney Dangerfield

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie. .

Rodney Dangerfield
#115363 Rodney Dangerfield

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about reading
#115364 Rodney Dangerfield

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about man
#115365 Rodney Dangerfield

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about parents
#115366 Rodney Dangerfield

I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about time
#115367 Rodney Dangerfield

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about mother
#115368 Rodney Dangerfield

I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about hate
#115369 Rodney Dangerfield

At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about hope
#115370 Rodney Dangerfield

I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. .

Rodney Dangerfield
#115371 Rodney Dangerfield

My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about sex
#115372 Rodney Dangerfield

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about mother
#115373 Rodney Dangerfield

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about running
#115374 Rodney Dangerfield

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about kiss
#115375 Rodney Dangerfield

I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about mother
#115376 Rodney Dangerfield

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.' .

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes about art

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