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Tim Allen (Actor)

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

— Tim Allen lies

Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.

— Tim Allen time

The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.

— Tim Allen world

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.

— Tim Allen men

In the last three years of racing I've met as many women fans as men fans, and in NASCAR it's the same thing. My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best.

— Tim Allen love

Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.

— Tim Allen humor

You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.

— Tim Allen people

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

— Tim Allen anger

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

— Tim Allen people

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

— Tim Allen comedy

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.

— Tim Allen children

I don't understand why it has to be either - or - either socialism or democracy. Why can't we combine things to get the best of each system?

— Tim Allen democracy

In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.

— Tim Allen marriage

When somebody tells you they're not very smart, they're saying exactly the opposite.

— Tim Allen art

Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.

— Tim Allen comedy

I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

— Tim Allen lies

I do a lot of family shows.

— Tim Allen family

I have a thing for tools.

I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.

— Tim Allen fear

I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.

— Tim Allen love

I like Pixie Sticks. Yeah, screw the middle man. Just a tube of sugar... I'd pour two of those in a big 12 ounce coke. And I'd go out to catechism class and try to concentrate on the priest. I saw Jesus several times. I swear I did.

— Tim Allen time

I think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody's car.

— Tim Allen women

I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I'll do it because it's a moment that will stick with me forever.

— Tim Allen love

My wife loves cars, but the difference is she doesn't have 20 years of understanding the background of them. She basically drives them and uses her gut feelings as to which is best.

— Tim Allen love

Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words 'large' or 'size' with 'rear end.' Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.

— Tim Allen words

Men are liars. Well lie about lying if we have to. Im an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

— Tim Allen lies

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