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Zach Galifianakis

I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where I'm stunning. But I've gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight I've put on, the more success I've had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that.

— Zach Galifianakis success

When I was in high school I used to sit by myself in the cafeteria - not necessarily by choice - but I thought it was funny to talk to people that weren't there.

— Zach Galifianakis funny

I'm Greek. My body produces feta cheese.

— Zach Galifianakis body

Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.

— Zach Galifianakis funny

I have a 60-acre farm in North Carolina, and I have a tractor and a farmhouse. As soon as I groom the land, I want to put cabins around and have a place where people can write and hang out. It'll be either that or an all-black nudist colony.

— Zach Galifianakis people

I kind of put myself out there as is. I'm a quiet person. I don't know if that's surprising. I'm a Pilates junkie.

— Zach Galifianakis self

I think if they put a laugh track on 'Intervention,' it would be funny.

— Zach Galifianakis funny

My name is Zach Galifianakis and I hope I'm pronouncing that right. I'm named after my granddad, my middle name. My name is Zach Granddad Galifianakis.

— Zach Galifianakis hope

That's one of the great things about comedy: we can - and should - say the things that other people aren't supposed to say. If we didn't do that, if we didn't push against those limits, we'd just be standing around onstage and yelling.

— Zach Galifianakis people

I don't like cursing in movies. I feel like cursing has become the new hackiness. You try to find substitutions for cursing.

— Zach Galifianakis sin

It's not good for comedy to be like, 'Thanks for liking me.' Being popular is poison.

— Zach Galifianakis comedy

Hollywood's built on insecurity. People are trying to prove things. And I probably have that. I probably do. Probably guilty of it, in a way.

— Zach Galifianakis guilt

I like dark comedies. That's why I like the Wayans Brothers.

— Zach Galifianakis ya

My forte is awkwardness.

— Zach Galifianakis war

That show, 'The Amazing Race' - is that about white people?

— Zach Galifianakis people

We all know how funny Morrissey is. Actually, you know what? I say that sarcastically. His songs are some of the funniest songs I've ever heard in my life. I mean, really. I mean, not that the 'Girlfriend in a Coma' is, like, really funny.

— Zach Galifianakis life

You know, sometimes if you work - if you do a lot of takes and you work long hours, for me, at least, there is a delirium that starts kicking in on the fifteenth hour, and that can help. Below the just thirteenth hour is where I have a concern, because everybody's so tired.

— Zach Galifianakis time

I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.

— Zach Galifianakis change

I'm not versed enough in constitutional law to run for office. I'd have to go back to school or something.

— Zach Galifianakis school

My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.

— Zach Galifianakis people

Privacy is big for me. To do interviews even, I have a very love/hate with it.

— Zach Galifianakis love

Reciting lines is hard; making stuff up is much, much easier.

— Zach Galifianakis

There was a long time where I was an 'artist' in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend.

— Zach Galifianakis quotes

As a comic, it's anti-comedy to be known. I think a lot of comedic actors get lost in this world of Hollywood and all this stuff. They lose what brought them there in the first place. I'm very trepidatious about it.

— Zach Galifianakis world

I wish I could sit back and say, 'Oh, I'm gonna wait for a Merchant-Ivory film to come my way. Or Ivory-Merchant. Whatever it's called. But you just take what's given and then, hopefully, down the road you can be more choosy and only do, say, Wayans brothers movies. That's my goal: to be more Merchant-Ivory-Wayans.

— Zach Galifianakis hope

I used to be really cute. I could send you earlier photos where Im stunning. But Ive gained about twenty pounds over the past two years, and the more weight Ive put on, the more success Ive had. If you drew a diagram of weight gain and me getting more work, a mathematician would draw some conclusions from that.

— Zach Galifianakis success

Sometimes I order a beet salad, so when the waiter comes and lays down my salad I can say thanks for laying down those funky beets. Its an expensive joke because I dont even like beets.

— Zach Galifianakis time

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