TOP 30 jesus QUOTES (of 1000)

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There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.Paul of Tarsus, Galatians 3:28, The Holy Bible.

— Race jesus

Tess: What do you do when you find Judas in your midst? Who would Christ have been if Judas had not betrayed him? Maybe we would remember Jesus as only a teacher roaming the desert.

— Smallville jesus

Peggy: Rented snow machines, all these lights-- its like a carnival. I wonder how Jesus feels about this.

— King of the Hill jesus

Francine: You made me think I was a murderer?! Do you have any idea what a nightmare you put me through?! I prayed to a freaking elephant! How am I gonna explain THAT to Jesus?!

— American Dad!/Season 2 jesus

Mark: Ill be able to order him around. Not horrible, just Jeremy, could you file this for me? Jeremy, could you take that for me? Jeremy could you suck this for me? Jesus! Where did that come from?

— Peep Show jesus

Spencer: Sorry, but there were not a lot of choices okay? It was either Humpty Dumpty or Jesus is coming, look busy.

— Pretty Little Liars jesus

Jesus Shuttlesworth: I hate my name. What kind of name is Jesus anyway?Jake Shuttlesworth: Its biblical.Jesus Shuttlesworth: Yeah, no kidding.

— He Got Game 1998 jesus

Smithy: Look whos opened his mouth. Youre always first with the advice arent you Jesus? You know what? No-one even wanted you here tonight, I had to make that t-shirt last minute!

— Gavin & Stacey jesus

But John forbad him, saying, I have need to be baptised of thee, and comest thou to me? And Jesus answering said unto him, Suffer it to be so now: for thus it becometh us to fulfil all righteousness. Hear now—permit it. Do not restrain me!Who: Fyodor Dostoyevsky

— Last words jesus

Vikram Gandhi: We have always created icons in our own image. What weve done is we project ourselves on to him. The fact is, maybe hes not some sort of Devil or Jesus character. Maybe he’s just a guy trying to do the right thing.

— Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice jesus

I keeps me a piece of steel [pulls out gun] load your steel thank ya jesus!

— Madea jesus

[Robocop is covered in soot]Officer Anne Lewis: Jesus, Murphy. Are you okay?Robocop: Im fine, Anne. Thank you for asking.

— RoboCop 3 1993 jesus

Michael Brody: [when the shark chases him through tunnels] JESUS CHRIST!

— Jaws The Revenge 1987 jesus

[last lines]Johnny the Boy: [Max limps away after handcuffing Johnny to the car, leaking gas next to a fire] Youre *mad*, man! You think I look silly, dont ya? Ha, ha! Dont bring this on me, man![sobbing]Johnny the Boy: Dont do this to me, please! Aw, Sweet Jesus! I was sick! Dont bring this on me, please!

— Mad Max 1979 jesus

John The Hangman Ruth: [spitting out the coffee] Jesus Christ, thats awful! What did that Mexican fellow do, soak his old socks in the pot?

— The Hateful Eight 2015 jesus

Im fresh out of Advil, Jesus grab the wheel.

— Jay Z jesus

As quoted in Gospel of Matthew 26:33 - 35. Jesus responds: Verily I say unto thee, That this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. After this Peter protests: Though I should die with thee, yet will I not deny thee. These are some of the anecdotes of the Denial of Peter.

— Saint Peter jesus

Mi nuh want nuh chemical nor drugs inna my ganja. Strictly right marijuana. Jesus spliff will mad you.

— Tarrus Riley jesus

Robert Langdon: [during a very bumpy ride in a jeep] Jesus!Sir Leigh Teabing: Apropos.

— The Da Vinci Code 2006 jesus

Detective Wuertz: Dent. Jesus. I thought you was dead.Two-Face: Half.

— The Dark Knight 2008 jesus

Huey: Come on man, Its supposed to be all historically accurate, and they STILL have a white man playing Jesus? Thats some old bullshit.

— The Boondocks season 1 jesus

[to little boy sitting in the pew in front of her in church]Courtney: Turn around.[Little boy shakes his head]Courtney: Turn around.[Little boy shakes his head]Courtney: Look, its Jesus. Look at Jesus!

— The Sweetest Thing 2002 jesus

Mike O Donnell: Oh sweet baby Jesus!

— 17 Again 2009 jesus

Terry: Jesus, youre a fuckin loser! Looks at Frylock suspended above pool Hey, scuba guy - you aint seen nothing, you aint heard nothing.

— Aqua Teen Hunger Force Season 6 jesus

Even Jesus, three days, died. Who is strong does not the strong. (Même Jésus, trois jours, est mort. Qui est fort ne fait le fort)

— Charles de LEUSSE jesus

Matt Murdock: Bless me Father, for I have sinned. Its been, uhits been too long since my last confession. My dad, he used to come to this church back when I was a kid. He was a fighter. Old school. Boxer. Lost more than he won. Had a 24-31 record before he, uh But he could take a punch. Jesus, he could take a punch.

— Daredevil TV series jesus

Dr. Henry Devlin: [Begins talking into the gun like its a phone] Hello? Jonesy. Jesus Christ, I knew it was you. Wheres he taking you? Massachusetts. He is? Duddits, OK... Jonesy, I will. You hang in there. Jonesy? Jonesy. He hung up...Captain Owen Underhill: Give me back my gun.

— Dreamcatcher 2003 jesus

You can turn water into wine if your name is Jesus, last I checked, your name was willie. - Jase

— Duck Dynasty jesus

McGloin: Father! Jesus, did you know theres a nigger in ya church?[the priest hits him in the head with his staff]

— Gangs of New York 2002 jesus

Jesus: How do you remove a speck of sawdust from your brothers eye when all the while theres a big plank in your own?

— Godspell jesus

The secret account of the revelation that Jesus spoke in conversation with Judas Iscariot during a week, three days before he celebrated PassoverIntroduction to the Gospel

— Gospel of Judas jesus

What wilt thou?20:21 KJV Asked of the mother of the sons of Zebedee, who answered that she wanted one son to sit on Jesuss left hand and one on his right.

— Jesus jesus

Is this where you wanna be when Jesus comes back, makin fun of poor little Joe Dirt?

— Joe Dirt jesus

Guy back there called you Jesus.

— John Mcclane jesus

Youre mad, man! You think I look silly, dont ya? Ha ha Dont bring this on me man! Dont do this to me! Please, sweet Jesus, I was sick! his last lines; to Max, begging to not to leave him to die; also the movies last lines

— Mad Max jesus

I still believe in the nonviolent Jesus and the basic human goodness present in all of us.

— Martin Sheen jesus

Crockett: Yeah, sure. I just listened to what everyone said in there. The things Ive done, the things I cant remember. I cant believe that that was me. Jesus, Rico. What kind of a person am I?

— Miami Vice jesus

A conservative believer must be someone who believes that Jesus was truly human as well as truly divine.

— N. T. Wright jesus

How wonderful to know that when Jesus Christ speaks to you and to me, he enables you to understand yourself, to die to that self because of the cross, and brings the real you to birth.

— Ravi Zacharias jesus

Jesus is not from Georgia. Jesus does not speak English. And Jesus is not a member of the NRA.

— Robert Wright jesus

Cain: Jesus... had days like this.

— RoboCop 2 1990 jesus

I dont need your Go ahead to go ahead. No, I know no one said it was gonna be easy but sweet. Jesus who wants to sleep with me? Too many moves to learn.

— Sage Francis jesus

Captain Miller: [on Omaha Beach] Bangalors up the line!Bagalors up the line!Sergeant Horvath: Heads up, bangers comin your way.Private Caparzo: [a soldiers helmet is struck by a bullet and he then takes it off] Jesus, lucky bastard.[the other soldier is then shot in the head and falls dead]

— Saving Private Ryan 1998 jesus

[after Rosemarys weight crushed a chair]Hal: Jesus Christ! What the hells wrong with this chair? Whats this shit made out of, anyway?Restaurant Manager: Uhh... Steel.

— Shallow Hal 2001 jesus

Percy Wetmore: [yells repeatedly as he brings John Coffey in] Dead man! Dead man walking! We got a dead man walking, here!Paul Edgecomb: Jesus, please us! What is he yelling about?Percy Wetmore: [continues yelling] Dead man! Dead man walking! Dead man! Dead man walking, here![he walks inside, leading a cuffed John Coffey]Percy Wetmore: We got a dead man walking, here! Dead man walking! We got a dead man walking, here...Paul Edgecomb: Percy![Percy stops]Paul Edgecomb: Thats enough.

— The Green Mile 1999 jesus

Michael: I am Jesus, David, and you know why? Because Phyllis—a woman—has uslurped my role as Santa.

— The Office U.S. TV series jesus

Owen: Yeah, I was brought back. Like Jesus really, but without the beard, you know. Shit, Im never gonna have a beard. Not that I wanted one, you understand, but you know, one day I

— Torchwood jesus

Jesse: Look, I dont know what you think youre doing here, Mr. White. I mean, if youre planning on giving me some bullshit about getting right with Jesus by turning myself in

— Breaking Bad jesus

I met a new girl at a barbecue. A very pretty blonde girl, I think. I don’t know for sure. Her hair was on fire. And all she talked about was herself. “I’m on fire!” You know the type. “Jesus Christ, help me! Put me out!” Come on, can we talk about me a little bit?

— garry shandling jesus

— the moondoggies lyrics jesus on the mainline jesus

Richie: No! Ha ha! It was Scythe. Ha! Ha! Oh, I win, I get to live! Thank you Baby Jesus! Thank you all the Baby Jesuses!

— Bottom TV series jesus

We spent the last three days calling on a higher being, and all these girls believe that and are praising Jesus Christ in their effort tonight.

— Greg Stake jesus

Pope Sweet Jesus: The wrapper says Ribbed for her pleasure but turn it inside out and its ribbed for YOUR pleasure

— Norbit 2007 jesus

Russell: Jesus Christ. Where the hell are we, Chuck E. Cheese-istian?

— Employee of the Month 2006 jesus

Lance Dowds: Randal Graves. Thirty-two and youre flipping burgers? Jesus, anybody else from our graduating class back there?

— Clerks II 2006 jesus

John Farley: You have a father?Mr. Woodcock: Of course I have a father, Farley, Im not Jesus.

— Mr Woodcock 2007 jesus

Dennis Nedry: [Nedry walks into a tree branch] Oh, Jesus Christ![hears something]Dennis Nedry: Hello?[a dinosaur pokes its head out from behind the tree]Dennis Nedry: Yeah, yeah thats nice. Gotta go![the dinosaur is right behind Nedry now]Dennis Nedry: Hello, nice boy. Uh, nice boy. Nice dinosaur. I thought you were one of your big brothers, youre not so bad. Youre not so bad. What do you want? What do you want? You want food? Look at me. I just fell down a hill. Im soaking wet. I dont have any food. I have no food on me. I have nothing on me. Go on.

— Jurassic Park 1993 jesus

Kyle: Its not cheating if you spread peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off.[Josh, Rubin and E.L. are understandably repulsed]Kyle: Because its your dog.Rubin: Jesus Christ!Kyle: You know, because its YOUR dog, get it?Rubin: Yeah, weve got it.

— Road Trip 2000 jesus

Bishop: A law can go too far... it can go too far. I ask myself, would Jesus do thusly? There is so much done in Christendom of which Christ would be incapable.

— Kingdom of Heaven 2005 jesus

Tea Lady: I just cant stop eating those little chocolates. They are soo good!Luda Mae: I put coconut in them!Tea Lady: Oh sweet Jesus!

— The Texas Chainsaw Massacre The Beginning 2006 jesus

Gin: Sweet Jews for Jesus!

— Bad Santa 2003 jesus

Roger: Jesus, its everywhere.

— Dawn of the Dead 1978 jesus

[several security guards, led by Gordon, have suddenly rushed onto the set of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season]Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: Sorry to interrupt sirs, but weve got a 10-07 on our hands.Matt Damon: [exasperated] Oh Jesus, again Ben?Ben Affleck: [cocky] No, bullshit, because I wasnt WITH a hooker today, ha-HA!Miramax Studios Security Guard Gordon: There they are!Jay: Affleck, you the bomb in Phantoms, yo!

— Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back 2001 jesus

Lieutenant Daniel Taylor: Have you found Jesus yet, Gump?Forrest Gump: I didnt know I was supposed to be looking for him, sir.

— Forrest Gump 1994 jesus

Dr. Alex Karev: Why would you want to help me?Dr. Isobel Izzie Stevens: [Yelling] BECAUSE ITS WHAT JESUS WOULD FREAKING DO!

— Greys Anatomy TV Series 2005– jesus

[McClusky tackles an inmate]Dwight McClusky: Put him in F Block for a month, then bring him to see me!Jack Scagnetti: Jesus Christ, Dwight. You could be on American Gladiators.Dwight McClusky: Thirty minutes a day, just shake and roll it... doesnt take much. Someone goes for you, you go right for the throat, Jack.

— Natural Born Killers 1994 jesus

[Isaac is running out of the church after vomiting]Isaac: WE DID NOT KILL JESUS! WE DID NOT KILL JESUS!

— The Night Before 2015 jesus

The difference between Socrates and Jesus? The great conscious and the immeasurably great unconscious.

— Thomas Carlyle jesus

Kid: Jesus Christ! It dont seem real. Guy aint gonna never breathe again ever. Now hes dead, and the other one too, all on account of pullin a trigger.

— Unforgiven jesus

Kevin Copeland: [chaseing and tackling Purse Snatcher] Gimme that.Purse Snatcher: Jesus, lady! All this for just a hand bag?Kevin Copeland: Its not just a hand bag. Its Prada!

— White Chicks 2004 jesus

Paul Jesus Rovia: Half of everything. Our supplies, our crops, our livestock, it goes to the Saviors.

— The Walking Dead TV series jesus

[Doc Miles cell phone rings]Doc Miles: Hello, Doc Miles.Chev Chelios: Yeah, Doc. Its Chev.[Doc Miles spits out his drink and ice shaking his head rapidly]Doc Miles: Jesus H. Chelios! Youve gotta be kidding me!

— Crank High Voltage 2009 jesus

The blood of Jesus Christ can cover a multitude of sins, it seems to me.

— Denis Diderot jesus

Cited by Jesus, referring to the Oral Law tradition regarding revenge, in Matthew 5:38-5:42 KJV, Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.

— English proverbs alphabetically by proverb jesus

Jack: [seeing Bill with a machete raised] Jesus Bill! What are you doing?Bill: Theres a snake in here!Marcie: Why are we in here?

— Friday the 13th 1980 jesus

Earl McGraw: Jesus H. Christ, Pete. When you gonna learn that microwave foodll kill you faster than a bullet? I mean, them damn burritos aint good for nothing but a hippie, when hes high on weed.

— From Dusk Till Dawn 1996 jesus

Heavy Duty: [about handling the accelerator suits] Careful. Theyre worth millions of dollars each.Ripcord: [in a suit] Millions of dollars. Got it.[falls out of the van]Heavy Duty: [annoyed] Jesus.Ripcord: My bad. My bad. Wont happen again![Ripcord gets run over by a car]

— GI Joe The Rise of Cobra 2009 jesus

Pamela Fitzgerald: Jesus Christ on a bicycle! What the - ?

— Ginger Snaps 2000 jesus

Jesus: Why should I die? Would I be more noticed than I ever was before? Would the things Ive said and done matter anymore?

— Jesus Christ Superstar 1973 jesus

Jesus: Forgive them, Father. They know not what they do.

— The Passion of the Christ 2004 jesus

The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus by the Supreme Being in the womb of a virgin, will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter.

— Thomas Jefferson jesus

Conversion is a complete surrender to Jesus. Its a willingness to do what he wants you to do.

— Billy Sunday jesus

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that hes really pissed off.

— Bob Hope jesus

Good frend, for Iesvs sake forbeare To digg the dvst encloasèd heare. Bleste be ye man yt spares thes stones, And cvrst be he yt moves my bones.Modern English equivalent: Good friend, for Jesus sake forebear To dig the dust enclosed here. Blessed be the man that spares these stones, And cursed be he that moves my bones.

— Epitaphs jesus

Have you ever seen a picture Of Jesus laughing? Mmm, do you think He had a beautiful smile? A smile that healed.

— Kate Bush jesus

Scrub. Scrub, Christina. Its not. This floor is not clean! Look at it! Jesus Christ! This floor is not clean! None of it this floor is not clean. Nothing is clean. This whole place is a mess!

— Mommie Dearest jesus

Im standing in line. I got a first class ticket. And I get up to the front of the line and there isnt anybody there. Its just a kiosk with a computer terminal. And Im not good at computers. And I dont wanna touch this thing, cause its got grease and dirt and what I only pray to Jesus is meringue.

— Ron White jesus

The 10 best jesus quotes

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