Chad Warwick: I am trying here! I am trying to make this place warm and inviting and spectacular and have this Halloween party shot by Elle friggin Decor so someone will see it and sweep in and take this place off our hands, and then I can feel free to fall in love with a 25-year-old who has great biceps. So get off my back, carve a goddamn pumpkin, go get a goddamn costume, and man up.

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