The Hangover 2009

Old Timer at Gas Station: [whistles at the Mercedes as Alan pumps gas] Boy, youve got a sweet ride there.Alan Garner: Dont touch it. Dont even look at it. Go on, get out. You heard me. Dont look at me, either.[the old man walks away]Alan Garner: Yeah. You better walk on...Phil Wenneck: [to Doug, inside the gas station] Hes actually kind of funny.Doug Billings: Yeah, he means well.Alan Garner: [in the background] Ill hit an old man in public.

— The Hangover 2009 funny

Alan Garner: He seemed like a real straight shooter.

— The Hangover 2009 real

Alan Garner: [while getting fitted for a tux] Whoa, watch it, pervert!Doug Billings: Its ok, Alan. Hes just doing your inseam.Alan Garner: Hes getting very close to my shaft.

— The Hangover 2009 you

Phil Wenneck: [his answering machine message] Hey, this is Phil. Leave me a message, or dont, but do me a favor: dont text me, its gay.

— The Hangover 2009 age

Phil Wenneck: To a night the four of us will never forget!

— The Hangover 2009 night

Phil Wenneck: Who was that guy? He was so mean!

— The Hangover 2009

Stu Price: Shes got my grandmothers Holocaust ring!Alan Garner: I didnt know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.

— The Hangover 2009 mother

Melissa: I just wish your friends were as mature as you.Stu Price: They are mature, actually. You just have to get to know them better.Phil Wenneck: [yells from outside] Paging Dr. Faggot. Dr. Faggot!Stu Price: I should go.Melissa: Thats a good idea, Dr. Faggot.

— The Hangover 2009 friends

Alan Garner: What if Dougs dead? I cant afford to lose somebody close to me again, it hurts too much. I was so upset when my grandpa died.Phil Wenneck: Howd he die?Alan Garner: World War II.Phil Wenneck: Died in battle?Alan Garner: No, he was skiing in Vermont, it was just during World War II.

— The Hangover 2009 war

Stu Price: [playing piano and singing passionately] What do tigers dream of when they take their little tiger snooze? Do they dream of mauling zebras, or Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit? Dont you worry your pretty striped head, were gonna get you back to Tyson and your cozy tiger bed. And then were gonna find our best friend Doug, and then were gonna give him a best friend hug. Doug, Doug, oh, Doug, Dougie, Dougie, Doug, Doug! But if hes been murdered by crystal meth tweakers,[stops suddenly]Stu Price: well then were shit out of luck.

— The Hangover 2009 passion

Alan Garner: [while picking up Phil at the school where he works] Did you have to park so close?Doug Billings: Yeah, whats wrong?Alan Garner: I shouldnt be here.Doug Billings: Why is that, Alan?Alan Garner: Im not supposed to be within two hundred feet of a school... or a Chuck E. Cheese.

— The Hangover 2009 work

Mr. Chow: So long, gay boys!

— The Hangover 2009 gay

Alan Garner: Hello. How bout that ride in? I guess thats why they call it Sin City.[awkward laughter]Alan Garner: You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack... it grew by one. So there... there were two of us in the wolf pack... I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, Wait a second, could it be? And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!

— The Hangover 2009 war

Phil Wenneck: Would you please put some pants on? I feel weird having to ask you twice.

— The Hangover 2009 weird

Alan Garner: Can I ask you another question?Lisa: Sure.Alan Garner: You probably get this a lot. This isnt the real Caesars Palace is it?Lisa: What do you mean?Alan Garner: Did, umm... did Caesar live here?Lisa: No.Alan Garner: I didnt think so.

— The Hangover 2009 live

Alan Garner: [looks at his manual] It says here we should work in teams. Who wants to be my spotter?Doug Billings: I dont think you should be doing too much gambling tonight, Alan.Alan Garner: Gambling? Who said anything about gambling? Its not gambling when you know youre gonna win. Counting cards is a foolproof system.Stu Price: Its also illegal.Alan Garner: Its not illegal. Its frowned upon, like masturbating on an airplane.Phil Wenneck: Im pretty sure thats illegal too.Alan Garner: Yeah, maybe after 9/11, where everybody got so sensitive. Thanks a lot, bin Laden.

— The Hangover 2009 work

Woman in Elevator: [looks at the baby] Oh, how cute. Whats his name?Phil Wenneck: Ben.Alan Garner: Carlos.

— The Hangover 2009 man

Phil Wenneck: [after realizing that they have rescued the wrong Doug] GOD DAMN IT!Alan Garner: Gosh darn it!Phil Wenneck: SHIT!Alan Garner: Shoot!

— The Hangover 2009 god

Alan Garner: I want you to know, Doug, Im a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever speak a word of it.Doug Billings: Ok, I got it. Thank you. I dont think that...Alan Garner: Seriously, I dont care what happens. I dont care if we kill someone.Doug Billings: What?Alan Garner: You heard me. Its Sin City. I wont tell a soul.

— The Hangover 2009 soul

Alan Garner: [repeatedly singing] And were the three best friends that anyone could have!

— The Hangover 2009 friends

Doug Billings: Tracy did mention we shouldnt let him gamble. Or drink too much.Phil Wenneck: Jesus, hes like a gremlin. Comes with instructions and shit.

— The Hangover 2009 men

Eddie Palermo: Listen to me, Im gonna tell you something. I know some sick people in my life, this guy is the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met in my life!

— The Hangover 2009 life

Stu Price: By the way, were all gonna die.

— The Hangover 2009 die

Stu Price: Dont let the beard fool you. Hes a child!

— The Hangover 2009 you

Stu Price: That is not Doug.Mr. Chow: Whatre you talking about, Willis? That him!Stu Price: No, Im sorry, Mr. Chow, thats not our friend, he... its...Alan Garner: The Doug were looking for is a white.

— The Hangover 2009 you

Stu Price: We dont want to call attention to ourselves!Phil Wenneck: [while driving a squad car on the sidewalk and using the loudspeaker] Attention! Attention!

— The Hangover 2009 sin

Stu Price: You found the car?Officer Franklin: Yeah! It was parked in the middle of Las Vegas Blvd. with a note that said Couldnt find a meter, so heres $4.

— The Hangover 2009 you

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