Dumb Dumber 1994

Lloyd Christmas: This is the life... cold beer, a hot tub and paper-thin walls. Theres only one thing that could make this moment any better.Harry Dunne: Whats that?Lloyd Christmas: If you had a nice set of knockers.Harry Dunne: Thats two things, Lloyd.Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, well, its a good thing youre not stacked, Harry, or Id be banging you right now. Id show you what a real man can do. Split you like an old piece of firewood. Youd probably like it too, you big homo.Harry Dunne: Shut up.Lloyd Christmas: Dont tell me to shut up, woman.

Harry Dunne: [a large bus full of gorgeous women in bikinis pull up beside them and three step out]Bikini Girl: Hi, guys. Were going on a national bikini tour, and were looking for two oil boys who can grease us off before each competition.Harry Dunne: You are in luck! Theres a town about three miles that way. Im sure youll find a couple guys there.Bikini Girl: [baffled] Okay, thanks.[the doors close and the bus drives off. After a second, Lloyd turns to Harry]Lloyd Christmas: Do you realize what youve done?[they run after the bus]Lloyd Christmas: HEY! HEY!Harry Dunne: Lloyd! Lloyd![the bus stops and opens the doors]Lloyd Christmas: [panting] Youll have to excuse my friend. Hes a little slow. The town is back *that* way.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 women

Harry Dunne: According to the map, weve only gone 4 inches.

— Dumb Dumber 1994

[after Lloyd trades the van in for a moped]Harry Dunne: Just when I thought you couldnt possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 self

Harry Dunne: I cant believe we drove around all day, and theres not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!Lloyd Christmas: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 work

Lloyd Christmas: [addressing Mary] Im crazy about you. Ive never felt this way about anybody.Lloyd Christmas: [laughs nervously] Listen to me! I feel like a schoolboy again. A schoolboy who desperately wants to make sweet, sweet love to you.Mary Swanson: [Mary comes into the room, making it clear to viewers that Lloyds previous words were just a rehearsal] I thought I heard you talking to someone.Lloyd Christmas: [now extremely nervous] Mary... I... I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 love

Harry Dunne: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.Mary Swanson: Really? Thats weird.Harry Dunne: Yeah, we called it a bullshit.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 success

Harry Dunne: Hi, Lloyd.Lloyd Christmas: Hi, Harry.Harry Dunne: How was your day?Lloyd Christmas: Not bad. Fell off the jet way again.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Harry Dunne: Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I dont know, I wasnt really paying attention.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 listening

Harry Dunne: Whats her last name? Ill look it up.Lloyd Christmas: You know, I dont really recall. Starts with an S! Lets see. Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? Swanson?Harry Dunne: Maybe its on the briefcase.Lloyd Christmas: Oh, yeah! Its right here.[He reads the manufacturers name, which is Samsonite]Lloyd Christmas: Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S, though.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 art

Harry Dunne: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.Lloyd Christmas: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denvers full of shit, man.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 thinking

Lloyd Christmas: Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?Mary Swanson: Howd you guess?Lloyd Christmas: I saw your luggage. Then when I noticed the airline ticket, I put 2 and 2 together.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 age

Lloyd Christmas: Ill bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day!Harry Dunne: No way!Lloyd Christmas: Ill give you three to one odds.Harry Dunne: No.Lloyd Christmas: Five to one.Harry Dunne: No.Lloyd Christmas: Ten to one?Harry Dunne: Youre on!Lloyd Christmas: Im gonna get ya!Harry Dunne: Nuh uh!Lloyd Christmas: I dont know how, but Im gonna get ya.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 ya

Lloyd Christmas: [Reaching over Joe Mantelino] Youre it.Harry Dunne: Youre it.Lloyd Christmas: Youre it, quitsies!Harry Dunne: Anti-quitsies, youre it, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!Lloyd Christmas: You cant do that!Harry Dunne: Can too!Lloyd Christmas: Cannot, stamp it!Harry Dunne: Can too, double stamp it, no erasies!Lloyd Christmas: Cannot, triple stamp, no erasies, Touch blue make it true.Harry Dunne: No, you cant do that... you cant triple stamp a double stamp, you cant triple stamp a double stamp! Lloyd!Lloyd Christmas: [hands over ears] LA LA LA LA LA LA!Harry Dunne: LLOYD! LLOYD! LLOYD!Joe Mentalino: GUYS! GUYS! GUYS![Calms down]Joe Mentalino: Fellahs... Cant we just listed to the radio or something?Lloyd Christmas: Radio? Who needs a radio? Ready Harry?

— Dumb Dumber 1994 art

Lloyd Christmas: Thats a lovely accent you have. New Jersey?Bus Stop Beauty: Austria.Lloyd Christmas: Austria! Well, then. Gday mate! Lets put another shrimp on the barbie!Bus Stop Beauty: Lets not.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 love

Harry Dunne: So you got fired again, eh?Lloyd Christmas: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident, you know?Harry Dunne: Yeah, well, I lost my job too.Lloyd Christmas: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.Harry Dunne: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.Lloyd Christmas: Hey, chicks love it. Its a shaggin wagon.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 love

Lloyd Christmas: [sees framed newspaper article about moon landing] No, way! Thats great.[chuckles]Lloyd Christmas: WEVE LANDED ON THE MOON!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 art

Harry Dunne: I dont get it, Lloyd. She told me ten o clock, sharp! Are you sure you went to the right bar?Lloyd Christmas: Yep. Im pretty sure. Lobby bar right by the lobby.Harry Dunne: [sighs]Lloyd Christmas: Maybe she just had a change of heart.Harry Dunne: Oh, that pisses me off! That pisses me right off! I hate when women do that. She wanted to see you again! And now no? Now... Wait a minute! Wait! She must have meant ten o clock at night!Lloyd Christmas: Do you think...?Harry Dunne: Why would she have you meet her in a bar at ten in the morning?Lloyd Christmas: I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 women

State Trooper: Pullover!Harry Dunne: No, its a cardigan but thanks for noticing.Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, killer boots man!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 love

Harry Dunne: [shivering] Lloyd, I cant feel my fingers, theyre -theyre numb!Lloyd Christmas: Oh, well, here. Take this extra pair of gloves, my hands are starting to get a little sweaty.Harry Dunne: Extra gloves? Youve had extra gloves this whole time?Lloyd Christmas: Uh, yeah, were in the Rockies!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 love

[coming out of the 7-11]Lloyd Christmas: Hey, guys. Whoa, Big Gulps, huh? All right! Well, see you later.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Lloyd Christmas: Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

— Dumb Dumber 1994 world

Harry Dunne: Wheres the booze?Lloyd Christmas: I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didnt even see it coming.Harry Dunne: Oh, no, no.Lloyd Christmas: Come on, Harry.Harry Dunne: It gets worse. My parakeet, Petey.Lloyd Christmas: Yeah?Harry Dunne: Hes dead.Lloyd Christmas: Oh, man, Im sorry. What happened?Harry Dunne: His head fell off.Lloyd Christmas: His head fell off?Harry Dunne: Yeah. He was pretty old.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 art

Lloyd Christmas: Excuse me, little old lady. Do you have change for a dollar?Elderly Lady: Change? No Im sorry, I dont.Lloyd Christmas: Well, can you do me a favor and watch my stuff here while I go break a dollar?Elderly Lady: Of course.Lloyd Christmas: Thanks. Hey, I guess theyre right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. Ill be right back. Dont you go dying on me.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 change

Lloyd Christmas: What the hell are we doing here, Harry? We gotta get out of this town!Harry Dunne: Oh yeah, and go where? Where are we gonna go?Lloyd Christmas: Ill tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. Im talking about a little place called Aspen.Harry Dunne: Oh, I dont know, Lloyd. The French are assholes.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 war

Lloyd Christmas: Husband? Wait a minute. What was all that one in a million talk?

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Harry Dunne: That was genius, Lloyd, sheer genius. I mean where did you come up with a scam like that?Lloyd Christmas: Saw it in a movie once.Harry Dunne: Thats incredible! So what happened, so the guy tricks some sucker into picking up his tab and gets away with it scott free?Lloyd Christmas: No, in the movie, they catch up to him half mile down the road and slit his throat!Harry Dunne: [Stares at Lloyd in disbelief. The speed of the engine increases]Lloyd Christmas: Ha ha ha! It was a good one.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 belief

Lloyd Christmas: If I know Mary as well as I think I do, shell invite us right in for tea and strumpets.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 hell

[Harry and Lloyd are spending the evening in a romantic-themed motel]Harry Dunne: I dont know, Lloyd. These places always seem to bring back a lot of bad memories.Lloyd Christmas: Whats the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart?Harry Dunne: No, it was a girl.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 art

Lloyd Christmas: This isnt my real job, you know.Mary Swanson: No?Lloyd Christmas: Nope. My friend Harry and I are saving up to open our own pet store.Mary Swanson: Thats nice.Lloyd Christmas: I got worms!Mary Swanson: I beg your pardon?Lloyd Christmas: Thats what were gonna call it. I Got Worms! Were gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Lloyd Christmas: They got the Monkees. They were a major influence on the Beatles.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Lloyd Christmas: MockHarry Dunne: Yeah!Lloyd Christmas: IngHarry Dunne: Yeah!Lloyd Christmas: BirdHarry Dunne: Yeah!Lloyd Christmas: Yeah!Harry Dunne: Yeah!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Lloyd Christmas: [Harry is choking him barehanded on a picnic table in Aspen] Harry, your hands are freezing!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Airport Clerk: Sir, you cant go in there!Lloyd Christmas: Its ok, Im a limo driver!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

[man and woman walk by]Harry Dunne: Ooh, look at the buns on that one.Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, he must work out.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 work

Harry Dunne: Whats with the briefcase?Lloyd Christmas: Its a love memento. The most beautiful woman alive. I drove her to the airport. Sparks flew. Emotions ran high. She actually talked to me, man.Harry Dunne: [flabbergasted] Get outta here.Lloyd Christmas: Oh, yeah. Tractor beam.Lloyd Christmas: [imitates beam noise]Lloyd Christmas: Sucked me right in. Anyway, she left this in the terminal and flew to Aspen and outta my life.Harry Dunne: Whats in it?Lloyd Christmas: Man. I would have to be a lowlife to go routin around in somebody elses private property.Harry Dunne: Is it locked?Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, really well.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 love

Lloyd Christmas: So where are you headin?Mary Swanson: Aspen.Lloyd Christmas: Hmmm, California! Beautiful!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 beautiful

Lloyd Christmas: Im only human, Harry! Come on! Stop being a baby. So we backtracked a tad.Harry Dunne: A tad? A tad, Lloyd? You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction! Now we dont have enough money to get to Aspen, we dont have enough money to get home, we dont have enough money to eat, we dont have enough money to sleep!Lloyd Christmas: Well, its not gonna do us any good sitting here whining about it. Were in a hole. Were just going to have to dig ourselves out.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 money

Lloyd Christmas: I said, Do you love me? and she said, No, but thats a really nice ski mask.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 love

Lloyd Christmas: Listen, Mr. Samsonite, about the briefcase, my friend Harry and I have every intention of fully reimbursing you.Nicholas Andre: Open it up. Open it up!Lloyd Christmas: [Motioning to Mary] Go ahead, open it up. Do what he says. Hurry.Nicholas Andre: What is this? What is this? Wheres all the money?Lloyd Christmas: Thats as good as money, sir. Those are I.O.U.s. Go ahead and add it up, every cents accounted for. Look, see this? Thats a car. 275 thou. Might wanna hang onto that one.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 money

Mary Swanson: So youll pick me up tonight at seven forty-five?Harry Dunne: Well I got a few things to take care of. So how about we make it quarter to eight?Mary Swanson: [laughs] Stop it.Harry Dunne: Okay. Seven forty-five

— Dumb Dumber 1994 art

[while looking back at Mary]Lloyd Christmas: Theres really nothing to worry about Mary. Statistically, they say youre more likely to get killed on the way to the airport. You know, like on a head on crash or flying off a cliff or getting trapped under a gas truck! Thats the worst! I have this cousin, well yknow, I had this cousin...[Lloyd drives right through a red light, causing a fatal accident visible in the window]Mary Swanson: Uh, Lloyd, could you keep your eyes on the road please?Lloyd Christmas: Oh, yeah! Good thinking. You cant be too careful. There are a lot of bad drivers out there.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 light

Lloyd Christmas: She actually talked to me.Harry Dunne: Get outta here!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Harry Dunne: Yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life. Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg...Lloyd Christmas: Okay, kill him!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 life

Lloyd Christmas: [after a confrontation with Sea Bass] You really wimped out, man.Harry Dunne: What are you talking about, wimped out? Wha... Did you see? The guy hawked on my burger!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 man

[first lines]Lloyd Christmas: Excuse me. Could you tell me how to get to the medical school? Im supposed to be giving a lecture in 20 minutes, and my drivers a bit lost.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 school

Harry Dunne: Would you like an atomic pepper, Mr. Mentalino?Joe Mentalino: Nah, you guys go ahead.Harry Dunne: Ill do it if you will, Lloyd.Lloyd Christmas: Okay. You go first.Harry Dunne: No no. You go first.Lloyd Christmas: You go first.Harry Dunne: You go first! I always go first!Lloyd Christmas: You go first!Joe Mentalino: Why dont you guys both stop acting like a couple of pussies and go at the same time, huh?Lloyd Christmas: That sounds like a dare, Har.Joe Mentalino: Its a *double* dare!Harry Dunne: Yeah, okay. Youre on!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 time

Lloyd Christmas: I want to ask you a question, straight out, flat out, and I want you to give me the honest answer. What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me ending up together?Mary Swanson: Well Lloyd, thats difficult to say. We really dont...Lloyd Christmas: Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you Mary, just... The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?Mary Swanson: Not good.[the background soundtrack music suddenly stops]Lloyd Christmas: [he gulps, his mouth twitching] You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?Mary Swanson: Id say more like one out of a million.Lloyd Christmas: [long pause while he processes what hes heard] So youre telling me theres a chance. YEAH!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 music

Harry Dunne: I thought the Rocky Mountains would be a little rockier than this.Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, that John Denver is full of shit, man.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 man

Lloyd Christmas: [after Harry saves his life] Harry, youre alive. And a horrible shot!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 life

Lloyd Christmas: [while telling Harry what to tell Mary about himself] Tell her Im rich, and Im good looking, and I have, uh, a rapists wit.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 self

Harry Dunne: [while Lloyd is urinating filling up several empty beer bottles] What are you, a camel?[Lloyd starts making camel noises]

— Dumb Dumber 1994 art

Joe Mentalino: Guys! Guys! Guys! Fellas... you think we could listen to the radio or something?Lloyd Christmas: Radio? Who needs a radio? Ready, Harry?[Lloyd and Harry start singing Mockingbird]

— Dumb Dumber 1994 art

Lloyd Christmas: Boy, this party really died.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 art

Dales Man: Theyre driving an 84... Sheepdog.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 man

Harry Dunne: Whats in the briefcase?Lloyd Christmas: Man, I would have to be a real lowlife to go rooting around in someone elses private property.Harry Dunne: Is it locked?Lloyd Christmas: Yeah. Really well.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 life

Mary Swanson: [after hearing on TV about the kid who bought a dead bird] Who are these sick people?

— Dumb Dumber 1994 people

Lloyd Christmas: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where Id do anything to bone her.Harry Dunne: Thats a special feeling, Lloyd.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 time

Joe Mentalino: Shut up! Now we dont even know who the hell they are! You dont kill people you dont know. Thats a rule.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 people

Lloyd Christmas: Suck me sideways.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Lloyd Christmas: [Lloyd and Harry stop to pick up Joe Mentalino, who is there to kill them] We dont usually pick up hitchhikers. But Im-a gonna go with my instincts on this one. Saddle up, partner!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 art

Lloyd Christmas: I get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Lloyd Christmas: [Opening the door on Nicholas Andre, who he thinks is a hotel employee] We have plenty of towels - thanks!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Lloyd Christmas: [to Harry] How about you go over and introduce yourself, build me up, that way I dont have to brag about myself later.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 self

Mary Swanson: This is incredible. You mean to say you drove 2000 miles, just for me?Lloyd Christmas: I-I didnt really have a-a lot to do... and I know how frustrating it can be to lose a bag.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Sea Bass: [Harry accidentally throws a salt shaker at him] What the hell? Whos the dead man that hit me with the salt shaker?[Lloyd points to Harry]Harry Dunne: Well, it was a terrible mistake, sir. Oh, please believe me, I would never do anything to offend a man of your size.Sea Bass Friend: Kick his ass, Sea Bass!Sea Bass: [looks at Harrys burger] You gonna eat that?Harry Dunne: What, that? No, yes, no. Well, no, I-I crossed my mind, yeah?Sea Bass: [hawks a disgusting loogie in Harrys burger] Still want it?Harry Dunne: Nah, you go ahead.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 mind

Lloyd Christmas: Mary Christmas. Mrs. Mary Christmas. Kinda catchy, huh, Harr?Harry Dunne: Yeah yeah, that sounds nice. But, Lloyd, dont you think you might be jumping the gun a little bit? I mean, you know, who knows? You know, maybe, once you get to know her youll find out that shes not your type.Lloyd Christmas: [stern voice] Hey! Dont you ever say that again! She is the love of my life! The blood in my veins! We belong together till the mountains fall into the sea, till the heavens collide! Or until I get sick of her and need to move on. You hear me?Harry Dunne: Okay, okay, okay, okay. Just calm down. Just calm down.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 love

Lloyd Christmas: I cant stop once I stop going Harry! It stings...

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Lloyd Christmas: All we need to do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and were in like a dirty shirt.Harry Dunne: No problem, Lloyd. We can be classy and sophistic... Oh, check out the funbags on that hosehound.Lloyd Christmas: Id like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 live

Harry Dunne: Nice set of hooters you got there!Mary Swanson: I beg your pardon?Harry Dunne: The owls! Theyre beautiful!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 beautiful

Harry Dunne: I cant believe it.Lloyd Christmas: Life is a fragile thing, Har. One minute youre chewin on a burger, the next minute youre dead meat.Harry Dunne: But he blamed me. You heard him. Those were his last words.Lloyd Christmas: Not if you count the gurgling sound.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 life

[checking Harry & Lloyds apartment]Joe Mentalino: Briefcase aint here, they mustve taken it with them.J.P. Shay: Well, hes gotta come home sometime.Joe Mentalino: Maybe we should trash the place, send them a little message.J.P. Shay: [looks around] I dont think hes gonna get that message Joe, I mean, the guys got worms in his living room.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 time

Lloyd Christmas: Skis, huh?Beth: Thats right!Lloyd Christmas: Great! They yours?Beth: Uh-huh.Lloyd Christmas: Both of em?Beth: Yes.Lloyd Christmas: Ah... cool!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Harry Dunne: Weirdo.Lloyd Christmas: Sucker of big, brown dirty eggs.Harry Dunne: Moron.Lloyd Christmas: Raider of the lost fart.Harry Dunne: Buttfish.Lloyd Christmas: Masterbatorio... er, soiler of towels.Nicholas Andre: SHUT UP!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 art

Joe Mentalino: Gas man. How the hell did they know that I got gas?

— Dumb Dumber 1994 men

Beth: So I told myself. Beth you just got to run girl and oh you know what that clutz did next?Lloyd Christmas: No and I dont - CARE!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 self

Anxious Man at Phone: [pacing outside of phone booth occupied by Mental] I had plans. I had things I wanted to do. This is where it all ends in a phone booth.[bangs on the glass]Anxious Man at Phone: Sir, did you ever hear of the concept of other people? Um, me, being that for the phone, sir...[Mental ignores him]Anxious Man at Phone: You turned your back on me, Ooh Ooh! He got me mad, I almost like it.[starts to bang on glass again]Anxious Man at Phone: [Bangs on glass with each sentence] The damage I can do to you. Because you were spiteful. I didnt wanna... Thats not your problem. You didnt know... Get off the phone...Joe Mentalino: [Acts like he cant hear him and motions for him to step closer]Anxious Man at Phone: get-off-the-pho...Joe Mentalino: [Punches through the glass, knocking the man unconscious] Im sorry Mr. Andre, as you were saying?

— Dumb Dumber 1994 art

[Joe Mentalino is having an ulcer attack]Lloyd Christmas: Hes resisting me!Harry Dunne: Here.[puts some pills in Mentalinos mouth]Harry Dunne: Here you go. Here you go. Here you go.Lloyd Christmas: Pills! Pills are good! Pills are good!Harry Dunne: Drink em down. There you go. There you go, big guy. You want some ketchup and mustard? That helped us.[Mentalino sees the rat poison bottle]Joe Mentalino: Son of a bitch![stomach gurgles and he dies]Lloyd Christmas: Check, please.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 men

Lloyd Christmas: Some people just arent cut out for life on the road.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 life

Joe Mentalino: Feeling better, girls?Harry Dunne: Yes, much better! Thank you for asking!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 men

Harry Dunne: [Harry just emptied himself into Marys broken toilet after Lloyd gave him laxatives] Flush, you bastard.

— Dumb Dumber 1994 self

Lloyd Christmas: [after getting off the moped with Harry frozen to his back] Got a little nippy going through the pass, huh, Har?

— Dumb Dumber 1994 christ

Lloyd Christmas: Excuse me, gunman. Who are you?Nicholas Andre: Dont play dumb with me, asshole! Im the rightful owner of the briefcase youve been carrying around!

— Dumb Dumber 1994 man

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