Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Narrator: In Ponyvilles Fun Let Loose chime, the French Couture offenders are pursued by the detectives of the Concert In The Park Squad. These are their stories.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent stories

Capt. Deakins: Goren, I realize how unstimulating police procedure can be to a right-brained guy like you, and I say this with all the respect due a Detective First Grade -- touch all the bases.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent respect

Goren: Does it bother you that the same people who just jacked $300 million are maxing out a stolen credit card?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent people

Goren: Did you know theres an original Salvador Dali hanging at Rikers Island? He donated it in the 60s.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent you

Goren: His arrangement with his wife is that he gets to be a bad boy once a month, but then he has to tell her what he did.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent men

Goren: My mother didnt like my girlfriends either, even if she pretended to, but she didnt kill any of them.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent friends

Forensic Accountant: Next to Immaculate Conception, how the Church handles its money is one of the great mysteries of the faith.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent faith

Goren: You know, I have a theory about why certain men are attracted to petite women. You wanna hear it?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent women

Goren: No. I think Im onto something here. Small men can feel like they have a titan missile in their pocket. Youre a small guy. What size shoe do you wear?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent men

Carver: Charge them for a murder they didnt commit of a person who isnt dead? I cant begin to count the number of violations that would entail.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent murder

Deakins: Mr. Carver. This man Dupont, or whatever his name is, has had us chasing our tails for a couple of weeks now. I dont know about you, but I do not like being made a fool of.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent hate

Goren: Someone to teach you how to ride a bike, two people that think youre special, makes a difference.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent people

Eames: The FDA analyzed the cyanide. its all from the same batch, but theyre still trying to get a line on where it came from.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent ya

Lawyer: You think this old lady with one and a half lungs ran around the hospital like a tooth fairy from hell?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent hell

Eames: Last December, Wieger and Nawrocki both made calls to the Development Office of Pelham University.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent men

Goren: Your Honor, if we search his car and his apartment, and it turns out his wife is alive, wheres the harm?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent art

Deakins: So lets check our status here. No corpus delicti, no evidence of foul play, no evidence Dr. Kelmer is guilty of anything except being a son of a bitch. I miss anything?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent guilt

Goren: We got these photos from a private investigator. This thing youre doing to the doctor with your tongue. What business is that, strictly?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent business

Capt. Deakins: So they burn him out. Ill have to remember this the next time my mother-in-law comes for a visit.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent time

Eames: AA meeting book, therere meetings marked off. If I were in this family, Id probably drink too.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent family

Eames: Well, he doesnt have the right to be deaf, so hes going to have to listen to what we have to say.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent right

Carver: Your clients not insane. Hes in love. Maybe its hard to tell the two apart, but the law can.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent love

Carver: The dominoes are falling, Mr. Pettijohn. You want to get ahead of them before they fall on you.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent you

Carver: First you call him a plagiarist, then you call him a murderer, now you change your mind. This is no way to treat a justice of the New York Court.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent change

Goren: Strick is a straight guy who can only get excited wearing womens clothing. That usually goes hand-in-hand with masochism.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent women

Eames: The girls say Strick paid them five grand each. And here I thought hockey players and maple syrup were Canadas biggest exports.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent thought

CFO: The Tuxedo Hill Group is a special purpose partnership capitalized by third-party equity to hedge certain Mattawin assets.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent art

Goren: And what can you offer to make up for the misery you prepared to wreak on thousands of people who trusted you? What fanatics do to us with guns and bombs, you tried to do with an accounting trick! Dont you think for a minute that you deserve anything better than they do.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent people

Goren: Pacemakers have to be removed before cremation. Otherwise the lithium batteries explode. Gives off a toxic fume and could damage the cremation chamber.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent age

Capt. Deakins: Yeah, I heard silicon implants had to be removed. My buddy Martinelli in the 3-7 married a stripper.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent art

Capt. Deakins: The autopsy proved when it comes to medical science, youre better off asking The Magic 8-ball.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent science

Dr. Fellowes: You know why the battles in academia are so vicious. Its because the stakes are so low.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent you

Wallace: In American literature, the descent into madness is usually preceded by obsession. A consuming obsession. Example, anyone?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent literature

Wallace: Yes. Remarkable. The fountain of information that can spring from those little numbers. Home address. Next of kin. Mothers maiden name. Mothers address. Tell me, Robert, how often do you get up to the Carmel Ridge Center?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent home

Wallace: My turn. How old were you when you first realized your mommy wasnt like all the other mommies?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent you

Goren: It is true. When I met you, you wanted me to know who you truly were; how smart, how funny, how charming you were. You wanted me to know you, Nicole Wallace, a sparkling, little girl who survived horrible abuse with her wits intact.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent funny

Goren: Thats a nice, uh, what youre wearing. I mean, whered you get that from? From Peru? What do they call that? A serap-- sserape. No its a s s s--

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent you

Goren: This type of calligraphy, the elongated character, the sharp brush strokes, is in the Imperial style of early Qing dynasty, 18th century. It evolved from the thin gold calligraphy developed by the Emperor Huizong.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent character

Eames: You tell us. You checked into a hotel under an assumed name, forged papers were delivered to your room, an associate of yours is suspected of murdering a woman.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent man

Weems: Im an actor. Im constantly broke. It was a couple of nights at the St. Francis. It sounded like fun.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent night

Goren: Well, youve loosened your tie, you got a drink on your desk, you got three phone lines blinking, and youre chewing the inside of your cheeks like some kind of frantic chipmunk.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent you

Rodgers: Of those, I identified 14 cancer patients who statistically should be alive if they received the right dosage of chemotherapy. 9 families gave me permission to exhume the bodies.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent lies

Mills: I cant help noticing, Detective, the way you pull together all these different elements. Good stuff.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent men

Mills: Detective, shame is a very underrated emotion. In the big city, its very easy to go unnoticed by others, so your conscience becomes your only witness. And for most of us, thats not enough.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent science

Carver: All you have is peas and corn kernels. Youre a few lima beans short of succotash, Detectives.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent you

Goren: Um, You know, hypothetically, how would we get Stan Shatenstein assigned to two defendents. What would we do?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent hate

Morgan: Its wasnt real love. The context wasnt authentic. He watched out for me out of guilt. Its old stuff.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent love

Goren: Well, so then you became everything that Grace Note promised you. I mean, like it says here in the brochure, look! You became creator of your own destiny! Wow, look at you! Youre a success story!

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent success

Goren: I almost forgot, I once busted a stripper who did a thing with a glow stick, do they do that there?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent wit

Carver: Thats the problem with most men: they want what they cant get and dont want what they have.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent men

Eames: They let one of them out. He had to go to the bathroom, so they let him take a pee off the pier.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent

Carver: I wont go near a grand jury if your only evidence is the ramblings of a lone deranged individual.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent you

Carver: What was it Clarence Darrow said? The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent children

Wallace: Hello Bobby. I would call you Detective Goren, but given your press coverage lately, youd probably want a low profile. Keep your hands on deck. We dont want you playing with your pistol under the table.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent age

Wallace: If you just wanted to hold my hand, Bobby, you didnt have to go through such measures. Is it everything you imagined?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent you

Wallace: Ah, yes, the famous Goren vision. A little short-sighted these days, with one glaring blind spot.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent vision

Goren: Youve become the abuser of that sparkling little girl. You pimp her out, you make her sleep with men and women she doesnt want to, what, to serve your pathological needs and theirs?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent women

Wallace: Well, this will come as news to Gavin. Weve fooled ourselves into believing were in love. Thank God Detective Goren is here to save us.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent love

Goren: I believe there is a part of you that loves Gavin - the decent part of Nicole hidden inside that bunker you call a heart. The last time you sat here, you confronted the truth. It hurt. So you had to shoot the messenger. If I could be wrong about Dan Croydon, how could I be right about you? Well, you blew it, Nicole: your one chance for happiness, with Gavin. One chance, and you had to come back to me? You couldnt leave well enough alone. Thats the price of denial.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent love

Bishop: You mean if she was defending herself like a girl. What if she was defending herself like a boxer.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent self

Goren: You just wait with your little fishing rod, and you just hook whatever damaged goods comes out of the pit.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent hate

Mrs. Connors: I called him at his job. His partner said he was on his way. And then he arrived. Its no mystery.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent art

Goren: Well, the mystery is that, uh, the reception in the recital hall, it cleared up. Because a moment ago, you said it was like a tomb.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent men

Carver: From a Romanian orphanage to an American divorce. I hope New York State will prove a better guardian for these children.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent hope

Goren: He ran out on his wife. Hitchens used him to get at me. And the pattern. One, one, two-- its Wally Stevens.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent wife

Goren: I can be direct. Youre divorced. You got no kids. And basketball is pretty much it for you, Coach. You havent won a championship in the last seven years. You might be hungry for a big win to cap your career. Hungry enough to go into business with Curtis Romney?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent business

Coach: I can be direct, too. I see a problem with authority figures. You defy them. You disrespect them. But the truth is, youre intimidated by them. Its the mark of a boy with an indifferent father. His absence took the joy out of playing basketball.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent truth

Bishop: Everything about Powells old school. I think he stopped buying jackets when Wilt Chamberlain retired.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent school

Coach: The way you talk about the game, its just as well you stopped playing. You got no love for it.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent love

Goren: No, hes right. I stopped loving the game, when I saw it-- it wasnt getting me what I wanted.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent right

Lawyer: I would have thought the police knew better than to put stock in an anonymous letter. I assume that since you didnt bother to inform Mrs. Whitney of the exhumation, that this letter also names her as a suspect.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent sin

Bradley: What the hell are you imagining? Im interested in her acting. I signed her own as a student four weeks ago.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent hell

Goren: You are tough, Mrs. Gruenwald, cause normally Detective Eames and I, wed be in the living room by now.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent living

Mrs. Whitney: Larry, I think I should be nearer to the edge of the stage. I want to fix them with my eyes. I want to frighten them.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent age

Goren: Doctor, tell me something. When you decide to dump this stuff, what do you do, flip a coin? Heads Asia, tails Africa?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent you

Goren: He felt anger, he just knew better than to show it. Instead he-he went blank, like he was flipping through an emotional Rolodex, searching for the socially appropriate response. But angerthat is his only true emotional response.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent anger

Goren: He was powerless then. Now its about having that control. Its a ritual he cant stop replaying.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent power

Goren: John, your loneliness is so deep you cant help but do this again. Hurt other women. Commit evermore depraved acts. You ate Amandas flesh. You cooked it with potatoes and onions. Because you needed to be connected to her, to be close to her. Thats what your life is always gonna be like. Youre always gonna be looking for that connection, each day worse than the last. I know you want to stop. I know you want to be a good person. I can see it, because you have remorse. Its why you drink. John, take responsibility.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent life

Carver: Mr. Tagman was beaten to death by another inmate in Sing Sing this morning. He was in the laundry working when he was attacked.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent death

Wallace: Yes, thank you. We cant all be blessed with eggs ripe and ready for hire. Tell me, detective, did your sister at least let you keep the sonogram to cuddle up with at night?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent night

Eames: If the blood was a set-up, why wouldnt Ella say something about it when she saw it all over the room?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent blood

Carver: Congratulations, youve managed to unite atheists and Christians in common cause against police harassment.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent christian

Goren: Well, she didnt believe in heaven and hell, so how would she know the devil was massaging her neck?

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent evil

Eames: Better make it a good one, with experience in murder cases. That ladys head had a bullet in it.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent experience

Rodgers: Metcalf still had his hands and feet. His head was up in San Francisco. The rest of him is at a research lab in Maui. Some people have all the luck.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent people

Goren: I see why youre not angry at her. Because shes a reflection of everything that youve done to her.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent you

Goren: See, thats what happens when you keep people from doing what they do best. It makes them insane.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent people

Goren: Is that when the light bulb went on? Saw what your life really was? Life of a loser. You know, pretending to be little vampires, hanging out in your vampire crypt, discussing your vampire books, having sad vampire sex in a plywood vampire box.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent life

Capt. Deakins: Tough to tell your kid you neglected them because you were too busy romancing the seventh fleet.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent man

Carver: Since I have no intention of asking Mr. Radcliff any questions about that document, I see no basis to turn it over to him.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent men

Judge Aguilar: That is the lamest argument Ive heard in a month; if its evidence he has a right examine it!

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent men

Goren: Half an hour. The chef that I talked to said thats what hed need to dress a human, and then another hour to grind the meat and bones.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent man

Eames: Hes not saying much of anything anymore. Somebody performed brain surgery on him with a .357 Magnum.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent body

Goren: I-I think that you do, cause when I mentioned her name your pulse went up, but when I said that she was missing, you didnt skip a beat. So I dont think its news to you.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent men

Smythe: Four counts of manslaughter. Thats what I get for overestimating the intelligence of a grand jury.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent intelligence

Smythe: I dont consider shutting down my website a bargain. All right, Joanie and Chachi, right? This is the last chat I have for them.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent right

Eames: We cant figure out how he got from your precinct, the three-five, to the two-nine, over here.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent you

Goren: Did you think that you`ve finally met the one, a man who senses his own limitations, who understood the weakness of others and he had a daughter, a daughter who loved you

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent love

Goren: Here you are, with a child killer as a boyfriend because this is the kind of people that you attract, because you will never have a normal life, a normal life is not for you, Nicole.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent life

Goren: There is no second chance for you, Nicole. One day Gwen will do something, or maybe she`ll do nothing, and you`ll snap.

— Law & Order: Criminal Intent you

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